Sunday, 20 December 2009
I'm still thinking about that lost post, the one that considered the history of my relationship with my violin as an example of how the mind sabotages a natural desire or capacity. What is the urge to do something like try to make music? Why did I give up at 12, 18, 25, 32 and 49, but feel sufficiently drawn to it to start all over again from the beginning at 17, 22, 31 and 43?
If the urge is strong enough to keep returning, despite it being less and less likely that I'll ever 'achieve anything' with it, why is it not strong enough to insist that I plunge in completely and sustain involvement without all this stopping and starting?
The blocking is very complex, involving many different aspects of mind and emotion. But the desire to make music itself seems even more mysterious.